Evaluative language causes defensiveness by passing judgment on the person and making them the focus of the problem. Evaluative language judges, quantifies or accuses ("you" language).

Descriptive communication focuses on the problem as separate from the other persons. Descriptive language focueses on the speaker's perceptions ("I" language).

Check the examples below as either Evaluative or Descriptive.

Control messages impose one person's views on another withot concern or interest in what the other thinks or feels while problem orientation signals respect and the desire to make a decision or find an agreeable solution.

Controlling communication suggests the speaker has power over the hearer. Problem-oriented communication empowers the hearer by portraying a more collaborative relationship between the parties.

Check the examples below as either Controlling or Problem-oriented.

Strategic Communication refers to a speaker with an agenda or ulterior motive while spontaneity, in the sense of honest and forthright communication, refers to a speaker who shares thoughts and feelings openly.

Strategic communication makes the hearer feel manipulated.  Spontaneous communication clarifies the speaker's needs and includes the hearer in the brainstorming solutions. 

Neutral communication does NOT offer a diplomatic point of view on an issue--it conveys indifferent to the other, while empathy involves understanding a ppreciating the other's feelings.

Neutral communication is threatening to the hearer's self-worth.  Empathic communication confirms and validates the concerns of the hearer. 

Superior communication sends the message that all others are inferior or inadequate in some way; therefore, the speaker has no interest in what they might say.   Equal communication sends the message that the other is valued and worthy as a human being.  

Superior language emphasizes the unique skill or expertise of the speaker to cause the hearer to feel insignificant.  Communication based on equality empowers the hearer and values their contribution. 

Speakers who communicate with certainty come across as narrow-minded and unwilling to listen to another point of view while provisional communication involves acknoledging other points of view and possibilities.

Language of certainty suggests there is only one answer, and the speaker has it.  Provisional language tells the hearer that speaker is open to suggestions.